Active listening. Active listening

In the psychology of communication, it is important for a person to realize his own significance - when they are interested in him, listen carefully, want to understand. The interaction of people in society is based on politeness and the basics of etiquette.

One of the new directions in communication skills is the technology of active listening. Its essence lies in a benevolent attitude towards the interlocutor, the desire to understand him. Interest is the main technique of active listening. Knowing the technology will help to gain the trust of the interlocutor, to get detailed information from him.

In communicating with children, it will allow you to better understand the fears and experiences of the child. He will learn to overcome his problems on his own. Parents and children will become more attentive and tolerant of each other. So there will be harmonious relations in the family.

The ability to listen

During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively, competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. For mutual understanding with your counterpart, this is of great importance. To be able to listen means to perceive the flow of information from the narrator. The level of human culture will allow you to politely listen to the interlocutor, tactfully refrain from harsh statements, dismissive facial expressions.

The ability to listen depends on the type of personality, intelligence, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional while listening, inattentive, often interrupting the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to the information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.

Many professions are related to the ability to listen. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. What matters is the efficiency and culture of listening. There are special techniques that contribute to the perception of information. Active listening will help support the interlocutor, show the significance of his story.

Types of listening

Psychologists and communication researchers distinguish 4 types of listening.

Empathic Listening. This is the ability to read the feelings, emotions of the speaker. The ability to imagine yourself in the place of the interlocutor, to empathize with him. Empathic listening is effective if the counterpart or their information evokes positive emotions.

Critical listening. This is a targeted analysis of the information received. Her critical perception, understanding. Such listening is effective for making responsible decisions. It allows you to weigh the pros and cons, agree or disagree with the interlocutor.

Passive (non-reflective) listening. This type is used when the interlocutor needs to speak out. It implies minimal interference in the counterpart's monologue.

Active (reflexive) listening. This is the maximum establishment of feedback with the interlocutor. Active listening helps to win over the interlocutor. Allows you to influence his point of view. The reception of active listening testifies to elementary politeness, attention to the words of the interlocutor.

What is active listening?

Active listening is the semantic perception of information. This communication skill allows you to concentrate on the conversation, clarify details, ask again. With the help of this technology, the interlocutor feels the need for his information, the interest of others in it.

The ability to conduct a conversation, to perceive and understand the words of the speaker is possible only with a benevolent attitude. Active listening, techniques and receptions contribute to the development of trusting relationships between interlocutors. It is a professional skill and an art that can take years to master.

The inability to establish a dialogue, the alienation of people make the technology of active listening in demand. This process consists of several stages.

The main stages of active listening

Sincere interest in a person, a desire to help him.
Attention to the interlocutor.
The ability to temporarily discard critical judgment, try to take the place of the speaker.
Create a favorable environment for the interlocutor, stimulating him to independently search for a solution to the situation.

Interference with active listening

While listening, a person encounters certain difficulties that interfere with the perception of information.

Internal interference These are my own thoughts and feelings. They interfere with perception, forcing one to concentrate on one thought or a whole complex of thoughts. A dreamy or sleepy state also interferes with active listening.

External interference- irritants that make you distract from the conversation. This may be the inability of the interlocutor to convey information (incoherence and slurring of speech, its pace and volume), strangers or distracting noises (phone, repair work, traffic sounds).

Active listening. Its types and methods

The technique of active listening is conditionally divided into 2 types: male and female.

Male view of active listening more about skills business communication. The correct presentation of information, its understanding and analysis is important here. Therefore, in the active listening of the male species, clarifying questions are most often heard: “where”, “how much”, “when”, “for what”, “how”.

Female view of active listening focused on feelings and emotions. It is not so much the accuracy of the information that is important, but the attitude towards it or the interlocutor. This allows you to take the place of a counterpart, to feel his mood, feelings.

During communication, you should pay attention to the words of the interlocutor, try to understand him. This will allow you to choose the right active listening techniques. These include encouragement, repetition, reflection, generalization. They will help to better understand the narrator, will contribute to sympathy between the interlocutors.

Active listening techniques

The main techniques of active listening are the desire to catch the essence of the interlocutor's speech, if possible, help him. Mastery of these methods is achieved through constant training. Active listening techniques include:

promotion. It lies in the interest, the expressed desire to listen to the interlocutor. At this stage, goodwill, the absence of evaluative opinions, is important;

Repetition. It consists in clarifying questions, repeating phrases of the speaker. Verbal concentration on the main points of the conversation;

Reflection. It consists in understanding the emotions of the interlocutor. At this stage, you can copy in moderate doses the facial expressions or gestures of the interlocutor, thus expressing interest and complete mutual understanding;

Generalization. It consists in summarizing the speech of the interlocutor. This is the concentration on the main idea of all that has been said and the selection of a compromise.

Active Listening Examples

With regular use, it is easy to remember the basic techniques of active listening. Examples for training are encouraging and clarifying questions, sympathetic acknowledgment and head nodding.

promotion the interlocutor allows you to tune in to the conversation. Non-verbal methods (smile, nod, friendly look) can be used here. In addition to them - verbal. These are the words “uh-huh”, “continue, please”, “I am listening to you carefully”, “how interesting”.

Repetition it is better to formulate in Then it will be easier for the interlocutor to point out the mistake and voice his own version of the phrase. These are the questions “Do I understand you correctly?”, “Did you mean to say this?”, “In other words…”.

Reflection It is the ability to understand what is difficult to put into words. The subtext can be read in facial expressions, voice modulation, increased or decreased intonation. These are the words “you are alarmed”, “you feel that ...”, “it seems to you that ...”.

Generalization or the resolution of the problem during the conversation slips several times. An experienced interlocutor will definitely sum up, thereby making it clear that he listened carefully to the narrator and understood his main idea. These are the words “I think I understand what you wanted to say ...”, “it seems that the most important thing here is ...”, “if I understand correctly, you experienced ...”, “in general, you decided that ...”.

Questions for active listening

During the conversation, you should not be distracted, but you should try to understand the essence of the interlocutor's speech. Find out what he wants to say and why. Clarifying questions need to be asked in a timely manner. They will help you quickly understand the interlocutor.

Open questions require a detailed answer. The more there are, the more information will be received. These are the questions “how”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what for”.

Closed questions require a short, unambiguous yes or no answer. They should not be abused - they create an atmosphere of interrogation. They are best used at the end of a conversation to find out the state of the interlocutor. Whether it was possible to agree with him, to come to one decision.

Alternative questions consist of two parts. The first part is an open question. The second part is two or more answers. The interlocutor is given the opportunity to choose the desired option.

Errors in the application of technology

Techniques of active listening in psychology contribute to the full building of relationships in society. Therefore, obvious errors in communication should be avoided.

Distraction from the conversation, reaction to external stimuli, own thoughts.
Thinking up answers or arguments contributes to the loss of the essence of the conversation.
Instructions, criticism and moralization (“I told you ...”) will only push the interlocutor to stop the conversation.
"Parrot" phrases or copying the words of the speaker create the illusion of understanding. A shrewd person will guess that he is not being listened to.
You can not interrupt, finish the phrase for the interlocutor. Better to let him figure it out on his own.
Reduce the conversation to pointless polemics.
Concentrate on yourself, translating all the words of the interlocutor to your situations (“and I had it like that ...”).

Active listening with your child

In childhood, it is important to know that parents understand the experiences of the child. It is sometimes difficult for him to put into words all that he feels. Attentive parents should help the child to correctly explain their condition, to clearly tell about the event.

Children's active listening techniques are an aid in voicing feelings and emotions. Parents should not only understand the child, but also learn to empathize with him, support him. This will bring together and strengthen family relationships. Teach your child not to be afraid of negative feelings, to cope with them. It will lead to mutual active listening: parents - child, child - parents.

Father and mother should learn the types of listening. Children's active listening techniques consist in their demonstration. It is necessary to show the baby that they want to listen and help him.

In a conversation with a child, you should be at the same level with him, eye to eye. Postpone everything, do not talk to him from different rooms. Show the importance of dialogue with a friendly look.
Try to combine the meaning of the child's words with his feelings. This will help you sort out the situation. Prefer the affirmative form (not a question) in describing the internal state of the child. “You are upset because…”, “you are angry because…”.
Pause so that the child can gather his thoughts and continue the dialogue.
Repeat in your own words the main idea of the child. So it will become clear to him that his parents heard and understood him.
Do not leave the child alone with his fears, problems, experiences.

It also happens that you should get rid of the interlocutor as soon as possible. The reasons can be different: from unwillingness to communicate with a specific person to unwillingness to listen to long monologues. Based on active listening techniques, an alternative technology can be created. With its help, the interlocutor will feel unwillingness to communicate with him. Which of the following is not part of active listening?

Silence, lack of emotional reaction to words, ignoring the interlocutor.
Constant question-to-question answers.
Disdainful posture, facial expressions.
Interruption of the interlocutor, the transition to their personal topics.
During a conversation, be distracted by phone calls, do other things.
Sharply criticize the interlocutor, immediately pointing out his mistakes and miscalculations.

This alternative method should not be used all the time. People need communication and empathy. Only in rare exceptions should you remember what concepts do not apply to active listening techniques. It is best to politely explain that the counterpart has chosen the wrong time for a conversation. Try to avoid annoying interlocutors, giving preference to positive people.

The main techniques of active listening contribute to benevolent. With their help, the interlocutor will feel attention to his words, experiences. Knowing the techniques and the ability to use them will create a sense of self-worth in the counterpart, which will help to quickly reach a consensus.

You should not interrupt, interrupt a person. This technique of active listening will allow you to bring the main idea to the end.
After the question, be sure to wait for the interlocutor's answer, do not answer for him.
Maintain eye contact, turn to face the speaker.
Install feedback, ask questions, nod.
You should not immediately refute the information you hear. First, delve into the essence of the conversation, understand the motives of the interlocutor.
Do not give in to the speaker's aggression. Patience and calmness try to level it.

What distinguishes a person from an animal? . Man created language to express his thoughts, desires and feelings to others through it. This is where active listening becomes important. There are certain techniques and techniques of active listening, methods. Using examples, we will consider how it manifests itself, and in the exercises we will show how to develop it.

People rarely hear each other. Unfortunately, the inability to listen to the interlocutor leads to the fact that people do not understand each other, do not find solutions to problem situations, disagree and remain with their grievances. That is why active listening becomes important, when a person understands what the interlocutor is talking about.

It is necessary to be able not only to speak, but also to listen. Success comes to people who know how to hear what they are told. As the saying goes, “silence is golden”. But if at the same time a person is included in the understanding of the words of the interlocutor, then his silence turns into a priceless treasure.

What is active listening?

Speaking of active listening, it is difficult to convey its full meaning. What it is? Active listening is the perception of someone else's speech, in which there is direct and indirect interaction between the participants in the process. A person, as it were, is included in the process of conversation, he hears and realizes the meaning of the words of the speaker, perceives his speech.

To understand another person, you first need to hear him. How can you communicate and not hear the other person? Many people think this is absurd. In fact, most people is superficial and one-sided. While the interlocutor says something, his opponent at the same time ponders his own thoughts, listens to his feelings that arise in response to the words of the speaker.

If you remember, many will note that at the moment when they hear some unpleasant word, everything that is said after it remains unheard. When a person hears a word that is meaningful to him, he focuses his attention on it. He is emotional, while considering what to say to the interlocutor. You may not even notice that the conversation has already gone in a different direction.

Listening is called active only because a person does not focus solely on his own experiences and emotions, but perceives the speech that is said by the interlocutor.

Active listening helps:

Steer the conversation in the right direction.
Choose questions that will help you get the right answers.
Correctly and accurately understand the interlocutor.

In a general sense, active listening helps to establish contact with the interlocutor and get the necessary information from him.

Active listening technique

If you are interested in active listening techniques, then you should read Gippenreiter's book "The Miracles of Active Listening", where he notes the most important role of this phenomenon. If people want to establish effective contacts with close and surrounding people, then they should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.

When a person is interested in the topic of a conversation, he usually joins it. He leans or turns to the interlocutor in order to better understand him. This is one of the active listening techniques where a person is interested in hearing and understanding information.

Other factors that affect effective active listening are:

Eliminate topics that are incomprehensible to the interlocutor. These include accent and speech defects.
Unconditional acceptance of the opponent. Don't judge what he says.
Asking questions is a sign of being included in the conversation.

Active listening techniques:

"Echo" - repeating the last words of the interlocutor in an interrogative tone.
Paraphrasing - a brief transfer of the essence of what was said: “Did I understand you correctly ...? If I understand you correctly, then…”
Interpretation - an assumption about the true intentions and goals of the speaker, based on what he said.

Through active listening, a person empathizes and clarifies information for himself, clarifies and asks questions, and moves the conversation to the right topic. This greatly increases the feeling of self-worth if a person is good at communication techniques.

Eye contact says a lot about what a person is interested in:

Contact at eye level indicates that a person is interested in the interlocutor and the information that he gives out.
Looking at the interlocutor speaks more about the interest in the personality of the speaker than about the information that he gives out.
A glance at the surrounding objects suggests that a person is not interested in either information or the interlocutor himself.

Active listening includes head nods, affirmative exclamations (“Yes”, “I understand you”, etc.). It is not recommended to complete his phrases after a person, even if you understand him. Let him fully and independently express his thought.

An important element of active listening is asking questions. If you are asking questions, then you are listening. Answers help you clarify information, help the other person clarify it, or move on to the right topic.

Notice the emotions of the person. If you talk about what you notice, what emotions he is experiencing, then he is imbued with confidence in you.

Active listening techniques

Consider active listening techniques:

Pause. This technique helps to think over what has been said. Sometimes a person is silent, simply because he does not have time to think about something more than he originally wanted to say.
Clarification. This technique is used to clarify, clarify what has been said. If this technique is not used, then often the interlocutors think out for each other what is unclear to them.
Retelling. This technique helps to find out how correctly the words of the interlocutor were understood. Either the interlocutor will confirm them, or clarify.
The development of thought. This technique is used as a development of the topic of conversation, when the interlocutor supplements the information with his own data.
Perception message. This technique involves the expression of thoughts about the interlocutor.
Self-perception message. This technique involves the expression of personal feelings and changes that occur during the conversation.
Message about the progress of the conversation. This technique expresses an assessment of how the communication between the interlocutors takes place.

Active listening methods

Speaking of active listening techniques, we are talking about understanding the words of the speaker more than they convey. This is the so-called penetration into the inner world of the speaker, understanding his feelings, emotions and motives.

In everyday life, this method is called empathy, which manifests itself at three levels:

Empathy is a manifestation of the same feelings as the interlocutor. If he cries, then you cry with him.
Sympathy is an offer of help, seeing the emotional suffering of the interlocutor.
Sympathy is a good-natured and positive attitude towards the interlocutor.

Some people are born with an innate tendency to empathy, others are forced to learn it. This is possible through I-statements and active listening techniques.

To penetrate the inner world of the interlocutor, Carl Rogers offers the following techniques:

Continuous fulfillment of obligations.
Expression of feelings.
Participation in the inner life of the interlocutor.
Lack of character roles.

We are talking about empathic listening, when a person not only listens to what is being said to him, but also perceives hidden information, participates in a monologue simple phrases, expresses the appropriate emotions, paraphrases the words of the interlocutor and directs them in the right direction.

Empathic listening involves silence when the interlocutor is allowed to speak. A person must step back from his own thoughts, emotions and desires. He completely focuses on the interests of the interlocutor. Here you should not express your opinion, evaluate the information. To a greater extent, it is about empathy, support, sympathy.

Active listening methods are discussed on the site site:

Paraphrasing - retelling significant and important phrases in your own words. It helps to hear one's own statements from the side or the meaning that they convey.
Echo technique is the repetition of the words of the interlocutor.
Summarizing - a brief transfer of the meaning of the information expressed. It looks like conclusions, conclusions of the conversation.
Emotional repetition - retelling what was heard with the manifestation of emotions.
Clarification - asking questions to clarify what has been said. Indicates that the speaker was listened to and even tried to understand.
The logical consequence is an attempt to put forward assumptions about the motives of what was said, the development of the future or situation.
Non-reflective listening (attentive silence) - silently listening, delving into the words of the interlocutor, since important information can be overlooked.
- establishing eye contact with an interlocutor.
Verbal signs - the continuation of the conversation and an indication that you are listening to it: "yes, yes", "continue", "I'm listening to you."
Mirror reflection - an expression of the same emotions as the interlocutor.

Active Listening Examples

Active listening can be used wherever two people meet. To a greater extent, it plays an important role in the field of work and relationships. Sales can be a striking example, when the seller listens carefully to what the buyer needs, offers possible options, and expands the range.

Active listening in sales, as in other areas of life, is necessary to allow a person to confide in and talk about their problems. When making contact, people have certain motives that are often not pronounced. To help a person open up, you need to establish contact with him.

Another example of active listening is communication with a child. He should be understood, his experiences should be recognized, the problems with which he came should be clarified. Often, active listening is useful in motivating a child to take action when he not only complains, but also receives useful advice what can be done next.

Active listening is used in all kinds of relationships where the element of trust and cooperation becomes important. Between friends, between relatives, between business partners and other categories of people, active listening is effective.

Active listening exercises

Active listening should be developed. This becomes possible with the following exercise:

A group of people is taken and divided into pairs. For a certain time, one of the partners will play the role of the listener, and the second - the speaker.
For 5 minutes, the speaker talks about a couple of his personal problems, focusing on the reasons for the difficulties. At the same time, the listener uses all the techniques and techniques of active listening.
Within 1 minute after the exercise, the speaker talks about what helped him open up and what hindered him. This allows the listener to understand their own mistakes, if any.
For the next 5 minutes, the speaker should talk about his strengths which help him to establish contacts with people. The listener continues to use the techniques and techniques of active listening, taking into account his own mistakes made last time.
For the next 5 minutes, the listener must retell everything that he understood from both stories of the speaker. At the same time, the speaker is silent and only with a nod of the head confirms or denies the correctness of whether the listener understood him or not. The listener in a situation of disagreement with him must correct himself until he receives confirmation. The end of this exercise is for the speaker to clarify where he was misunderstood or distorted.
Then the speaker and the listener change roles, all stages go through the new one. Now the listener is speaking, and the speaker is listening attentively and using active listening techniques and techniques.

At the end of the exercise, the results are summed up: what role was the most difficult, what were the mistakes of the participants, what should have been done, etc. This exercise not only allows you to rehearse active listening skills, but also to see the communication barriers between people, to see them in real life.

Outcome

Speech is one of the ways to build relationships and connections. Active listening is a method of successfully establishing contacts between people who are interested in it. The result of its application can please and surprise many people.

The culture of modern communication is quite low. People talk a lot, often not listening to their interlocutors. When silence arises, most often people are immersed in their own thoughts. And when a conversation arises, people try to interpret what they hear in their own way. All this leads to misunderstanding and incorrect decision-making based on the results.

The development of active listening eliminates all problems in communication. Establishing friendly contacts is the initial benefit of this technique.

Active listening techniques in the process of communication

3. Active listening techniques

Quite often, especially when the interlocutor is worried, it becomes necessary to achieve an accurate understanding of what he is saying. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.

The clarification technique consists in turning to the speaker for some clarifications. The essence of this technique is that when a misunderstanding or ambiguity arises, the listener asks “clarifying” questions that show the speaker that they are listening carefully, and after the necessary explanations, he can be sure that he is understood.

The most commonly used phrases for clarification are: “What do you mean?”, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t quite understand this”, “I’m sorry, but how is it ...”, “Could you explain this in more detail?” Such neutral phrases invite the interlocutor, without offending him, to express his thought more specifically, while choosing other words. Replies should only relate to what the interlocutor is saying, and not contain an assessment of his behavior or ability to express his thoughts. Expressions like "Speak more clearly!" have nothing to do with this approach. They only repel the interlocutor, affecting his pride.

Using the clarification technique, one should try not to ask questions that require a monosyllabic (such as “yes”, “no”) answer: this confuses a person, he begins to feel that he is being interrogated. Instead of asking, "Is this hard to do?" it's helpful to ask, "How hard is it to do that?" In the first case, we involuntarily seize the initiative and after the answer we must speak ourselves, in the second we give the interlocutor the opportunity to continue and remain listeners.

Another useful technique when you need to achieve an accurate understanding of the interlocutor is paraphrasing - the speaker's own formulation of the message to check its accuracy.

This technique helps to make sure how accurately we "deciphered" the words of the interlocutor. Paraphrasing also helps our interlocutor. He has the opportunity to see if he is understood correctly, and, if necessary, to make the necessary clarifications in a timely manner.

Paraphrasing is a universal technique. It can be used in any kind of business conversation. But this technique is especially effective in such cases:

in commercial negotiations, when a complete and accurate understanding of the partner's wishes and proposals is necessary. Being too lazy to repeat in our own words what he said, we risk incurring huge losses;

in conflict situations or during discussions. If we, before expressing arguments against, repeat the opponent’s thought in our own words, we can be sure that he will treat our objections with much more attention: after all, he sees that they are listening to him and trying to understand. In addition, he simply will not have a reason and reason to internally believe that he was brushed aside, without even delving into his words;

when we are poorly oriented in the subject of conversation. A person who skillfully owns this technique can keep up a conversation on any topic for hours, making an extremely favorable impression on the speaker (after all, our answers are his own thoughts expressed in our words).

When paraphrasing, certain rules must be followed. First of all, it should begin with phrases like: "In other words, you think ...". "If I understand you correctly, then...", "You correct me if I'm wrong, but...".

When paraphrasing, you need to focus on the meaning, content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it. Paraphrasing helps to separate meaning from emotions (excitement, excitement, depression).

You should choose the main thing and say it in your own words. Literally repeating, we will become like a parrot, which is unlikely to make a favorable impression on the interlocutor.

You should not, wanting to paraphrase the interlocutor, interrupt him: paraphrasing is effective when the speaker paused and collected his thoughts. Repeating his words at such a moment will not only not confuse him, but, on the contrary, will serve as a foundation on which he can rely on in order to move on.

When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “Probably you feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

The most effective way to achieve an accurate understanding of what was said by the interlocutor is the method of summarizing.

A summary is a summary. Its essence is that in our own words we summarize the main thoughts of the interlocutor. The summarizing phrase is his speech in a "curtailed" form, its main idea.

Summarizing is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which is the repetition of each thought of the interlocutor in your own words. When summarizing, only the main idea stands out from the whole part of the conversation. Usually it is preceded by phrases like: “So you think ...”, “So you propose ...”, “Now to summarize what you said, then ...”, “Your main idea, as I understand it, is in that..."

Summary is most often used in the following situations:

at business meetings. The art of the leader here is to highlight the main thing in the statements of the speakers. Otherwise, the meeting may "sink" in the flow of their speeches;

in a conversation when people participating in it discuss the same problem. In this case, it is necessary from time to time to summarize what was said, as if completing one part of the conversation and throwing a bridge to the next. Without this kind of utterance, the group can get stuck, discussing small details and forgetting the essence of the matter;

at the end of a telephone conversation, especially if the listener has to do something after the conversation;

if you want to express disagreement with someone's point of view. Before doing this, one should first highlight the main point in the opponent’s judgment, summarize what has been said, then one will not have to scatter, citing his counter-arguments, and will be able to answer the essence of the objection. Better yet, ask him to make a summary himself: he will have to rid his objection of everything secondary, which will greatly facilitate our task;

when you need to help the interlocutor to clearly formulate his thoughts, present in a clear form and even develop ideas that he had at the level of conjectures and vague phrases, while maintaining the feeling that he came to this thought himself.

Thus, summarizing all of the above, it can be argued that it is possible to ensure psychologically correct listening to the interlocutor and partner if the following conditions are met.

Stop talking. It is impossible to listen while talking or trying to comment on what is heard.

Help the speaker loosen up. Give him a sense of freedom.

Show the speaker that you are ready to listen. It is necessary to look and act interested. Listening, try to understand, and not look for reasons for irritation.

While listening, smile more often, nod your head, look the interlocutor in the eyes and assent all the time.

Ask questions and constantly clarify. This encourages the speaker and shows them that you are listening.

When listening, try to understand, and not look for inaccuracies or mistakes in the speaker. Never judge what you hear. Let the interlocutor talk to the end.

Try to empathize with the interlocutor. To do this, look at things through his eyes, try to put yourself in his place. This is the only way to better understand the speaker and more accurately identify the meaning of his speech. No wonder they say: to listen, you need both ears: one - to perceive the meaning, the other - to catch the feelings of the speaker.

While listening, be attentive and don't lose the topic of the conversation. Don't get distracted by the specifics of the speaker. Think only about what he says.

If the interlocutor is unpleasant for you, try to restrain your emotions. Giving in to feelings of irritation or anger, you will not understand everything or give the words the wrong meaning.

Be patient. Do not interrupt the interlocutor, do not look at the clock, do not make impatient gestures, do not look through your papers, that is, do not do anything that indicates your disrespect or indifference to the interlocutor.

Always listen to the interlocutor to the end. Listening with due attention to what the interlocutor wants to tell you is not only a sign of attention to him, but also a professional necessity in the field of business.

So, once again, as a conclusion, we emphasize: be able to listen to the interlocutor. Often this is more valuable than the ability to speak. Let the other person speak first. And then speak according to what you hear.

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The success of the conversation is rich in why lie not only in the smart way to speak, but also in the smart way to hear. If we are respectful and stupefied by someone we hear, then we turn miraculously to the faces to move, or the trochs are suffocated in yoga beak ...

Active listening technique

The technique of active hearing these days is often victorious in the sphere of trade. Tse dopomogaє zdіysnyuvati more efficient sale of goods and services. One of the most successful means of selling juicy merchandise is that females are actively hearing...

When passive listening is not enough, you should move to active listening.

A businessman who only talks about himself and his firm, showing no interest in business partners usually doesn't make much progress.

The most common mistake novice businessmen make when they try to persuade the interlocutor to their point of view is the desire to talk too much themselves. And it costs them a lot. Salespeople make this mistake especially often.

The interlocutor should be given the opportunity to speak. He knows better than you about his problems and needs. Ask him questions. Let him tell you something.

The goal is to maintain or create a trusting atmosphere in the conversation. To do this, we must be accepting and caring and, at the same time, respectful of the speaker.

Conditions where active listening is beneficial:

when you need to check whether you correctly perceive the emotional state of another person;

when you are dealing with strong emotions;

when the other person's problem is emotional in nature;

when the client tries to force you to make the same decision as he / she himself / herself;

when there is research and interaction with an "open end".

With active listening, you can:

clarify for yourself the feelings of another person,

structure complex emotional states,

define the problem more precisely

allow the client to solve the problem or understand in which direction it needs to be solved,

improve customer self-esteem.

great attention to the slightest manifestations of the client's emotional state,

believe in the ability of a person to make a decision on his own and cope with his problem, giving him time and creating favorable conditions.

Conditions for a good listener:

1. Temporarily discard any opinions, judgments, feelings. No side thoughts. Since the speed of thinking is four times the speed of speech, use the "free time" for critical analysis and conclusions from what you hear directly.

2. Don't Think While You're Listening follow-up question, and even more so to give counterarguments.

3. You should focus only on the topic in question. In any case, acquaintance with the partner's opinion greatly facilitates negotiations. The partner is given the opportunity to prove himself, and this will significantly dull the sharpness of his objections.

4. Sincere interest in the person and desire to help.

5. Great attention to the slightest manifestations of the client's emotional state.

6. Believe in the ability of a person to make a decision on his own and cope with his problem, giving him time and creating favorable conditions.

Under these conditions, a good listener supports:

1) Visual contact

If you are going to talk to someone, then look at him; The eyes are not only the mirror of the soul, but also the mirror of how you perceive the other person.

2) Body language

The interlocutors should be opposite each other, while looking straight ahead and maintaining an open position, showing interest in the interlocutor.

3) Tone and speed of speech

When we carefully listen to a partner, the tone of our speech involuntarily harmonizes with his tone; voice we can convey warmth, interest, significance for us of the opinion of the interlocutor.

4) the immutability of the subject of conversation.

A good listener usually allows the interlocutor to determine the topic of the conversation.

Very often, as a reward for attentive listening, you get your partner's "open heart", which greatly facilitates work and promotes mutual understanding.

Difficulties in using active listening:

The client's answer is "yes" followed by a pause. Ask an informational question (What-Where-When-How) to encourage the client to talk further.

The client's answer is "no". If the client does not provide an explanation, ask an informational question. If you get a series of "no" responses, then the client is likely unwilling to talk about their problem, or is not trying to get to the bottom of it.

You have gone too far in expressing your analysis rather than the client's feelings. Return to the situation of communication and follow the state of the client.

The client talks and talks and talks. If he expresses very strong feelings, listen to him without interruption, even for the sake of expressing your thoughts, feelings.

The hearing ends when the problem is identified or a solution is reached, the client certain time focused on a given problem, the dialogue becomes cyclical and repeats itself.

Mistakes most common among those who listen to a partner:

1. Removal from the main subject of the conversation, as a result of which you can completely lose the thread of the presentation.

2. Focusing on the "naked" facts. They are, of course, important, but psychologists say that even the most attentive people can immediately accurately remember no more than five basic facts. Everything else is jumbled up in my head. Therefore, in any enumeration, attention should be paid only to the most significant points.

3. "Vulnerabilities". For many people, these are such “critical words” that have a special effect on the psyche, taking a person out of balance. For example, the words "rising prices", "inflation", "dismissal", "restriction wages” cause some people to have a “psychic hurricane”, i.e. unconscious desire to protest. And such interlocutors no longer follow what others are saying at that moment.

3. Active listening techniques

Another useful technique when you need to achieve an accurate understanding of the interlocutor is paraphrasing - the speaker's own formulation of the message to check its accuracy.

Paraphrasing is a universal technique. It can be used in any kind of business conversation. But this technique is especially effective in such cases:

You should choose the main thing and say it in your own words. Literally repeating, we will become like a parrot, which is unlikely to make a favorable impression on the interlocutor.

When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “Probably you feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

The most effective way to achieve an accurate understanding of what was said by the interlocutor is the method of summarizing.

A summary is a summary. Its essence is that in our own words we summarize the main thoughts of the interlocutor. The summarizing phrase is his speech in a "curtailed" form, its main idea.

Summary is most often used in the following situations:

at business meetings. The art of the leader here is to highlight the main thing in the statements of the speakers. Otherwise, the meeting may "sink" in the flow of their speeches;

at the end of a telephone conversation, especially if the listener has to do something after the conversation;

Thus, summarizing all of the above, it can be argued that it is possible to ensure psychologically correct listening to the interlocutor and partner if the following conditions are met.

Stop talking. It is impossible to listen while talking or trying to comment on what is heard.

Help the speaker loosen up. Give him a sense of freedom.

Show the speaker that you are ready to listen. It is necessary to look and act interested. Listening, try to understand, and not look for reasons for irritation.

While listening, smile more often, nod your head, look the interlocutor in the eyes and assent all the time.

Ask questions and constantly clarify. This encourages the speaker and shows them that you are listening.

When listening, try to understand, and not look for inaccuracies or mistakes in the speaker. Never judge what you hear. Let the interlocutor talk to the end.

While listening, be attentive and don't lose the topic of the conversation. Don't get distracted by the specifics of the speaker. Think only about what he says.

If the interlocutor is unpleasant for you, try to restrain your emotions. Giving in to feelings of irritation or anger, you will not understand everything or give the words the wrong meaning.

A person lives among other people. In order for contact to occur, people created speech through which thoughts, wishes and aspirations are transmitted. Now a person can easily tell others about what he wants to receive from them, as well as influence them, understand their feelings and thoughts. There are two main components in the process of communication: speaking and listening. In order to understand the interlocutor well, it is necessary to actively listen to him. There are various methods, techniques and techniques of active listening, which will be discussed in the article.

What does active listening mean?

What does active listening mean? When a person is not just silent, but actively participates in the process of mental expression of another. This may be an understanding of the words that are spoken, experiencing the same feelings as the interlocutor, non-verbal influence on the course of the partner’s monologue, etc. The main task active listening is understanding the thoughts and desires of the interlocutor in order to build efficient model communicate with him to influence his opinion and future plans.

Active listening is often used by professionals who work with people: psychologists, sales managers, salespeople, educators, etc. Where you need to listen to another person and understand his motives in order to be able to influence or negotiate with him, active listening is used.

The main mistake of people is the opinion that you need to be heard. This is why so many people choose to speak and give little to no opportunity for others to speak. Such people often lose, especially if they fall for manipulators and scammers. Usually, people in an "unpleasant" profession use active listening, because they know that a person tells everything about himself while talking. They only have to be attentive in order to clearly understand the thoughts and experiences of others, and then quickly build their own model of behavior in such a way as to influence the interlocutors through it.

If we move away from the "selfish" goals of active listening, then we can highlight other benefits of this process. The person is silent and simply listens to his interlocutor. It allows him to:

Correctly perceive information that at first could be misunderstood.
Clarify the information by asking the right questions based on what the interlocutor said.
Direct the conversation in the right direction, understanding what the person is talking about.

Active listening is understanding the words of the speaker, while the person himself is silent. While the interlocutor is talking, you can understand his ideas more than interrupting or speaking yourself.

tricks

While a person is silent, he can focus on the information that comes from the interlocutor, the emotions that he experiences or feels from his partner, his own thoughts that arise as a response to the speaker's remarks. This is why you should use various active listening techniques:

Clarification. It is used for the purpose of a more detailed explanation of a thought. If you do not specify, then you can only guess and think, which can often lead to wrong conclusions.
A self-perception message is an expression of one's own impressions that arose as a result of communication.
Retelling is an attempt to tell in your own words what was said by the interlocutor. If you want to clearly know that you have understood your partner correctly, then you should ask again. Retell what they said to get confirmation or clarification of what you understood.
Pause. It helps to briefly reflect on what was said by all participants in the conversation. You can also suddenly hear something that the interlocutor did not want to say before. It gives you the opportunity to focus on thoughts, feelings, ideas, both your own and your partner's. Sometimes people talk too much when their interlocutors are silent.
Perception reporting - your thoughts about the interlocutor that you have in the process of communication.
The development of thought. Used to pick up or develop the thoughts of the interlocutor, who fell silent for a while. In other words, you continue the topic of the conversation.
A note on the course of the conversation - informing the interlocutor about how the communication takes place, what the conversation is, useful or not.

Usually people use all the techniques of active listening. But 3-4 tricks become frequent, which a person most of all uses in order to maintain communication in one way or another or influence the interlocutor.

Technique

Psychologist Gippenreiter identified the role of active listening in the life of every person. Using his techniques, a person is able to establish contacts with parents, beloved partner, work colleagues, boss, etc. Usually, active listening helps to correctly perceive the information that the interlocutor presents. Often it is not speaking that becomes important, but listening, because it is at this moment that one's thoughts stop and the susceptibility of other people's words turns on. To better understand what the other person is talking about, you need to use active listening techniques.

Often they manifest themselves in mindfulness. You should step away from your own thoughts for a while and just pay attention to your partner's words. How are sentences structured? What is the meaning of the words conveyed? What is the intonation of the words? Mindfulness becomes necessary when the interlocutor has speech defects or an accent. To understand him well, you have to listen a little to his speech.

Active listening requires direct eye contact with the interlocutor, as well as turning the body in his direction. In order for a person to feel respect and desire to communicate with you, you must turn to face him and express interest with your eyes.

Unconditional acceptance becomes the next active listening technique. It implies that you convey to the person with your words, gestures and questions that you understand him, accept him and do not consider him bad. This can be conveyed in the following ways:

"Echo" - when you repeat the words of the interlocutor in an interrogative form.
Paraphrasing - a brief retelling of what the interlocutor said.
Interpretation is an attempt to guess what will follow what was said by the interlocutor: "I assume that ...".

It is important to show empathy - understanding the feelings of the interlocutor, which will allow you to tune in to his wave and understand the meaning of his words.

Methods

Active listening methods are understood as tuning in various ways to the emotional background of a person in order to better understand the meaning and motives of his words. Empathy is the main criterion, which comes in three forms:

Empathy is the experience of emotions that are similar to natural ones. The same emotions are manifested as those of the interlocutor.
Compassion is the desire to help another person, to solve his problem.
Sympathy is a friendly, warm attitude towards people.

Empathy in some people is an innate quality that depends on the nervous system. However, some people have to develop this quality in themselves, which is possible with the help of active listening or “I-statements” methods.

With empathic listening, a person not only listens to what is being said to him, but also actively participates in directing the conversation in the right direction, which can be done through paraphrasing, repetitions, and asking short questions. A person completely fences himself off from his assessments, thoughts and feelings in order to completely immerse himself in the speaker's monologue and direct him in the right direction.

The following methods are used here:

Echo technique or paraphrasing - significant thoughts are highlighted and transmitted back to the interlocutor.
Clarification is an attempt to find out the correctness of the perceived thought.
Summarizing - summing up, expressing the main idea.
Non-reflective listening - when information is perceived without evaluation, sorting and parsing.
Mirror reflection.
Emotional repetition - a short repetition using the expressions and slang of the interlocutor.
Non-verbal behavior - gestures and facial expressions that are used to maintain a conversation.
Logical consequence - an attempt to identify the causes of the interlocutor's thoughts, to determine the logical consequence of what was said.
Verbal signs are words that express a desire to continue listening to the interlocutor's monologue: "continue", "and what's next?".

Examples

Active listening is used in areas where a person interacts with other people. it social professions. Often examples of active listening can be seen in the field of sales, where the manager tries to talk the client enough so that he expresses his feelings and wishes. Based on the desires and aspirations of the client, you can make a profitable offer, where the product can solve the client's problem.

If you pay attention to the work of psychologists on the website of the psychological help site, it can be noted that they also use active listening. It becomes almost the most important tool in identifying the causes and symptoms of the disorder. Here questions are asked, clarifications and long pauses are used, where the psychologist tries to find out all the information he needs for further work with the client.

Active listening is also used when communicating with children. Since children tend to have long and sincere communication, adults are forced to use active listening techniques. Here it becomes important nonverbal behavior, clarifications, emotional repetitions.

By and large, even ordinary people use some form of active listening. In business, at work, in family relationships, people come into contact with each other. Here you have to not only speak, but also listen, especially when it comes to solving a problem. While people are talking, it is impossible to know what others think about a particular issue. Only with the help of silence and active listening in order to recognize the thoughts and experiences of partners can an effective solution to the problem be found.

Active listening is often used in job interviews. It is in this interaction that the employer actively perceives the one who wants to get a job, sometimes asking leading questions.

Exercises

Active listening is the result of a developed skill, when a person knows how not only to be silent in the presence of an interlocutor, but also to direct his attention to his thoughts, experiences, emotions. Active listening exercises are often done in groups. People are divided into pairs, where each is given a role: "speaking" or "listener".

The exercise begins with the fact that for 5 minutes the "speaker" tells his partner - the "listener" - about a certain problem with people, where he must tell about the causes of this problem. The "Listener" can only use the techniques and techniques of active listening. Then there is a pause, where the “speaker” should talk about what helped him to be open and talk about his problem.

At the second stage, communication continues. Only now the "speaking" talks about the strengths of his personality, which help him to establish contacts with other people. At the same time, the “listener” still uses only the techniques and techniques of active listening.

Only at the third stage (after 5 minutes) does the "speaker" fall silent and allow the "listener" to tell him what he understood from the two stories. While the “listener” is speaking, the “speaker” only shows his agreement with what was said or disagreement with nods. If the "speaker" does not agree with the "listener", he must correct himself. At the end, "the speaker" indicates what has been omitted or distorted.

Then the roles change: the "speaker" now actively listens, and the "listener" talks about the problem and his strengths. Both go through 3 stages.

At the end of the exercise, the participants discuss which role was the most difficult, what was difficult to talk about, what helped them to be open, what was the impact of active listening techniques and techniques, etc.

Such an exercise allows you to understand your own mistakes that were made, due to which there was a distortion or misperception of information.

Outcome

Active listening is not a professional skill. To be able to communicate with any type of people, you need to develop the skill of active listening. Since it is not congenital, the outcome of its development may be different.

There are people who have developed the skill of active listening. This is due to their nervous system, a tendency to empathy, personal characteristics and adaptability. There are people who find it difficult to possess such skills, which is also due to the above factors. There is no person who is initially born as an active listener. There is no person who could not develop this skill in himself.

The prognosis of any exercise is ambiguous. In many ways, everything depends on the desires of the individual who wants to develop active listening. However, we can definitely say the following: the one who knows how to listen is more likely to find an approach to any interlocutor than the one who only speaks.

You should not demand perfect skills in active listening from yourself. Everyone develops at their own pace. In addition to the skill itself, it is necessary to develop character traits that help in this process: for example, patience, calmness and empathy. Since it is not always possible to understand the other person, his slang and words, patience will help in establishing contact. Since the randomness of one's own thoughts does not help in understanding other people's words, calmness becomes an important factor.

Man is a social being. He has a specific social circle, where everyone needs to be able to establish contacts. It is here that he trains his skills, which have been developed since childhood. However, if parents have not taught active listening, then you can spend time on self-development.